The trouble with solitude, is that I like it too much. If I get some, I want more. It's too easy for me to drift off and forget how to talk. I'm a genius at watching from the edge of the crowd. I know how to disappear like a pro.
But in this past year, I've found myself at odds with my need for solitude. My process as a writer has grown a different set of needs and wants. I found other writers. I found people who opened my eyes to new ways of seeing what I do and who gave me encouragement and motivation to try harder. I've watched people I admire put the time and effort into growing their skills, and then throw themselves out there with will and purpose. Their success inspires me greatly. Their kindness towards other writers inspires me no less.
The trouble with perfection, is that it can be selfish and mean. It takes something fine and good and runs it into the ground for merely being fine and good. There's a difference between having high standards, and strangling the runts. Wanting to spend my life creating and becoming more accomplished is healthy. Wanting everything I do to be brilliant is arrogant and very tiring.
I know some brilliant people. Artists with so much natural talent it just makes your jaw drop. Deeply troubled, deeply angry people whose creative gifts are withering on the vine. Because nothing is ever good enough.
They've inspired me, too. I've learned from the ghost of future yet to come. I'm doing my level best not to turn into an angry strangler. I figure a good approach is to just feed and pet the runts and let them grow up wall-eyed or pigeon-toed or unexpectedly swan gorgeous, and keep in mind that I can't really take credit for all of it anyway.
Which brings me to, the trouble with ambition. There's always more to do and a better way to do it. Waiting until everything is just how I want it to be has often times left me unable to enjoy the here and now. For example, wanting to have a fancy, beautifully designed website that does a dozen different things made me forget why I needed a website to begin with. Because I'm a writer... (not a website designer) and I need to stay connected to other people.
So, while it is my ambition to develop a visually stunning blend of audio, art, photography and literature on my site, I don't want to lose touch with my readers, my friends and my peers. This simple stripped down site is the result of me hitting the reset button. It is a work in progress that will change, but in the meantime will serve to display my words and hopefully allow me to get back the sense of the connection I had going on six months ago.
I'm not going to go all hippy and ask for a group hug here. I just want you all to know I appreciate every damn thought you share with me. And I'm still here.
Oh, and Romeo sends his regards. We've come to an understanding. As long as I'm honest with him about it, he's agreed I can write about other people. The damn fool. He's got nothing to worry about, he's the one I always go home to.
So, what have you guys been up to? Got any news to share?